on anger and lifestyle
I came about the closest I've come in a long time to actually just breaking down and screaming at my students today. I don't know what it is, but for some reason, today, I just snapped at the wide variety of stupidity that they made me put up with today, in conjunction with the fucking lab I was working on being completely fucking broken. Anyway, after being asked the insanely self-evident question of whether we are having a final AND a test on the last week of class for approximately the 1,000th time, I just snapped a little bit and went on a tirade about why I was going through the decisions that I was, and how I was trying to be helpful, and as a result, the students were actually taken aback. I swear, I was about five minutes from a nervous breakdown by the time class ended.
The weird thing is, now I'm sitting at home trying to figure out exactly what sparked this reaction. I've been dealing with similar behavior all semester, and objectively, things in personal lifeland are actually starting to be looking up, after horribly bottomming out in the worst possible way about three or four weeks ago. I think that I have it figured out, though. This last month, with its series of thing after thing after THING after THING has had a twofold effect:
1) It's taken much more time than normal to internalize and comprehend everything that has and is happening to me
2) Just like when you've been punched a hundred times, the hundred and first punch hurts the most, despite being the weakest, I'm more or less emotionally bruised right now, and probably a little excessively sensitive to any nonsense bullshit that comes at me.
And so, when I have a shitty teaching day, normally, I can just shrug it off, maybe go for a run or get a beer at the local cowboy-themed sports bar, and I'm fine. Now, however, It's this horrible crushing blow that I have to analyze and write endless words about. Ugh. Not to mention that I turn on the news, and the only stories are shit like the Duke rape case and Bush's tit and tat with Iran, and it hardly serves to cheer me up.
However, the awesome horribleness of this new Mets theme song always has the power to cheer me up (via Deadspin). The world can only be so bad when I'm reminded that Pedro Martinez will strike me out. Shit I miss the rivarly with the Mets. As fun as it is to talk trash with the cubs, the "Mets are pond scum" era was absolutely fucking fantastic. DAAAAAR--yl DAAAAAAR--yl.
Apologies for the endless rant. Had to talk this out. Real posts shall be forthcoming.
The weird thing is, now I'm sitting at home trying to figure out exactly what sparked this reaction. I've been dealing with similar behavior all semester, and objectively, things in personal lifeland are actually starting to be looking up, after horribly bottomming out in the worst possible way about three or four weeks ago. I think that I have it figured out, though. This last month, with its series of thing after thing after THING after THING has had a twofold effect:
1) It's taken much more time than normal to internalize and comprehend everything that has and is happening to me
2) Just like when you've been punched a hundred times, the hundred and first punch hurts the most, despite being the weakest, I'm more or less emotionally bruised right now, and probably a little excessively sensitive to any nonsense bullshit that comes at me.
And so, when I have a shitty teaching day, normally, I can just shrug it off, maybe go for a run or get a beer at the local cowboy-themed sports bar, and I'm fine. Now, however, It's this horrible crushing blow that I have to analyze and write endless words about. Ugh. Not to mention that I turn on the news, and the only stories are shit like the Duke rape case and Bush's tit and tat with Iran, and it hardly serves to cheer me up.
However, the awesome horribleness of this new Mets theme song always has the power to cheer me up (via Deadspin). The world can only be so bad when I'm reminded that Pedro Martinez will strike me out. Shit I miss the rivarly with the Mets. As fun as it is to talk trash with the cubs, the "Mets are pond scum" era was absolutely fucking fantastic. DAAAAAR--yl DAAAAAAR--yl.
Apologies for the endless rant. Had to talk this out. Real posts shall be forthcoming.
posted by Valatan @ 7:56 PM
2 Comments:
At 02 May, 2006 18:14,
Anonymous said…
It's cool. Unfortunately, you are dealing with younger people and like all people, they are just that--uncomprehending, unappreciative, lacking the drive to do anything, and overall, just wanting success of some variety to box in their own lives and box in (or out) other people's lives. But, perhaps you've got it relatively easy as well, given that they are just kids. The other side is that you can have wonderful teachind days. But, you have to try to remember that they are literally not where you are, emotially or intellectually. That doesn't mean one is better or worse, it just is, and it is part of the communication dynamic. I guess that's it.
At 05 May, 2006 20:57,
Anonymous said…
I hope you don't feel like I punched you in the stomach. :( I never wanted to hurt you.
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