The Voyage of Captain Obvious

Grading is satanic

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Thank you, AOL-Time Warner. Now I truly understand myself

I know I shouldn't read stupid dating columns due to their vapidity and stupidity, but I couldn't possibly stay away from this one: Anatomy of a Dinner Date

People were aready getting too non-shallow in their dating life, so AOL helpfully came along and told us exactly what women could infer from the place that they go to eat for a first date (since, of course, women never choose the place to hold the first date. I never had any idea that my psyche could be completely deconstructed by where I end up for dinner. Anyway, we learn such useful lessons about people as shown below:

Pancake House: What It Says About Him

He's a guy who knows what he wants, and exactly where to go to get it. Confident and secure, he always takes the lead so, you never have to worry about whether things are taken care of -- he's got it all under control. Not only does he like to have what he wants when he wants it, he also believes in the more options, the better. This could spill over into his love life, so just keep your eyes open.

First: who the fuck takes a first date out to the goddamn waffle house?

Second: wow. who ever thought that a liking for waffles indicated that someone likes to sleep around? A tip of the hat to you, AOL. You have some true legends working your staff.

All of the other entries are fabulous in thier insanity, but the entry for "mexican" is my personal favorite:

Mexican: What It Says About Him

Ole! This hot and spicy guy is the kind that will dance the night away and he doesn't have to wait for a Friday or Saturday to do it; he's ready to go any night of the week. He likes things fast, so don't be surprised if he starts putting the moves on you on the first date. If you're not ready to go to the next level, just politely put him back in his place. He'll stay there, at least until the next song comes on.

Damn, could that be any more racist? Could we work in a reference toward what type of work he probasbly does, or what type of car he drives? Damn.


  • At 12 August, 2006 10:54, Anonymous John said…

    First, when I read what they said about dudes that take their dates to pancake houses, I was like "hey, I *love* breakfast food, maybe that's not a bad idea." Then I read your comments. :)

    I'm curious though, from your point of view, what would be a good place to eat on a first date?

  • At 13 August, 2006 14:22, Blogger Valatan said…

    hehehe. Perhaps I was being a -bit- judgmental--typically I just like to find little out of the way unique places--that way they've never been there before, or are excited because you know about the place. I'll go by what's nearby more than anything--though I really love Thai food, so if I can steer the list of suggested places in that direction, I totally will.

  • At 18 August, 2006 14:07, Anonymous Theresa said…

    This is the funniest thing I have ever read! I couldn't stop laughing!!! I really enjoyed the links to the dating site. Click here to meet singles who love Sushi or click here to meet singles who love pancakes. I also enjoyed their dating tips, for instance how rice is romantic and how you should stay away from beans. Maybe if I don't make it as a psychologist I can write silly articles like that one!

  • At 24 October, 2006 08:29, Blogger LibraryTavern Liz said…

    There is a lot of amazingly bad, stupid, shallow, unintentionally hilarious, sexist, biggoted, meaningless dating advice on the web ... and in books and magazines, too, I guess.


Post a Comment

<< Home